my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
