Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
