Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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