Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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