no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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