the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
