worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
