I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
