i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
