does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
