That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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