So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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