I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
