Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
