im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
