you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
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What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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