Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
