U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
