remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
