Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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