ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
