I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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