is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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