...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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