I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
