There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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