Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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