that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
