I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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