So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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