I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
