last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
