new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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