...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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