Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
