I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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