It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
