Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
