this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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