apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize