we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
