Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
