Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
