Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize