I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
