i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
