fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize
