Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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