i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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