I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
No more Irish car bombs ever.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
