i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
