I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
