Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
