There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
