There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
