I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
