you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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