I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
