your thong is hanging out like whoa
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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