From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
