I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm always down for nudity.
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