Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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