If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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