You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
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