I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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