There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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