He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
