i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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