She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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