are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
