pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
