It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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