left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
