thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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