Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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