um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
